


brothers in arms are brothers for life

by trashofthethings



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, star wars: the rise of skywalker (2019)
Genre: Finn has PTSD (Star Wars), Finn's friends help him through a panic attack because canon likes to ignore his trauma, Gen, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, platonic intimacy because i go feral for that stuff, the platonic trio content i need but no one save for jj abrams of all people will give me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22071292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashofthethings/pseuds/trashofthethings
Summary: “Is there anything we can do for you? Water, help going inside, anything?” Rey asked.“Don’t leave me,” Finn answered, squeezing the hands he held. Poe smiled as he and Rey squeezed his hands right back.“You can count on that, buddy. Always.”
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron & Finn, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38
Collections: Finn Centric Recommendations





	brothers in arms are brothers for life

**Author's Note:**

> I reference some events and characters from the book Before the Awakening, but you don't need to have read that to understand the story (basically, all past events I reference in regards to Finn are canon)

The memories melded together in exaggerated, nightmarish vividness.

The tightness in his chest in the briefing room, the feeling that he’d made a mistake by caring for his comrades, the blinding glint of Captain Phasma’s silver armor, the intimidating mask that hid a face he’d never see, the woman that somehow seemed so big, so much bigger than FN-2187. 

The sterile, cold barracks and the mirror that he’d only use in preparation for inspections where he’d stare at his face for a mere few seconds, stomach churning with the knowledge that something in his life was very wrong and the fear that he knew exactly what it was. Shoving tasteless food down his throat in the mess hall before it could be taken from him, fast enough to make himself sick.

The blood coming from poor Slip’s mouth, so bright and so red as he lay on the floor after losing a round of sparring.

The line of unarmed, innocent miners before his eyes. The blaster shots that killed each one deafening, the acrid smell of burnt flesh as nauseating as the image of a dozen dead bodies.

_ Wake up. _

The fires consuming Tuanul village, the fires that seemed impossibly large and violent, Slip raking his hand across FN-2187’s helmet in slow motion, trails of blood as inky and black as the surrounding night consuming his field of vision, Slip dying in FN-2187’s arms.

_ Wake up. _

Kylo Ren stopping a blaster bolt and seemingly time itself with nothing but his mind, Kylo Ren staring directly into FN-2187’s soul, the feeling that a foreign will crawled inside him for a few infinite moments, the inexplicable certainty that it was somehow Kylo Ren himself, the ability to fight Ren off stirring but ultimately dormant in FN-2187.

_ Wake up. _

The villagers that fell all around him, the faces of countless innocent corpses contorted with pain and fear, the cacophony of blaster fire and screams, the screams of the women, the screams of the children-

_ Wake up! _

Finn-  _ not _ FN-2187- finally awoke, drenched in sweat. The sound of his own rapid, shallow breathing sounded loud enough to fill the room and his chest was tight with the pounding of his heart. The room he was in was pitch-black, and all he could think was that he was in the barracks of the First Order. A few minutes passed, and Finn’s eyes adjusted enough to give him visual proof that he was no longer in the harsh barracks he once knew, but instead in a cot provided by the Resistance on Ajan Kloss. He began to take deep, slow breaths that eventually leveled his breathing. 

He hated it when this happened. He hated that the First Order still had some level of control over his mind. He hated how he’d been running from them as fast as he could and still hadn’t completely escaped.

Even after he’d managed to calm himself down, Finn didn’t want to go back to sleep. The First Order might be there waiting for him.

Breakfasts with the Resistance weren’t much, but the Resistance made sure its people were fed. Whether gathered from the local flora and fauna of Ajan Kloss’s jungles or donated, either from quiet sympathizers or from friends of General Organa, food was always served in the makeshift mess hall inside the Resistance base cave. 

That morning, Finn hastily got his food and sat down at the corner of an uninhabited table. He saw Poe a few tables away, laughing with his pilot buddies. There was room at the table, and while something in Finn wanted to move over there to be with his friends, something stronger kept him firmly rooted in isolation (isolation, as was his tendency in the First Order? Finn didn’t entertain the thought, but he didn’t shake it, either). Finn found himself starting to eat fast enough to make himself sick.

“What’s the rush?” Rey asked, smiling playfully as she slid into the seat across from him with food of her own. Finn blinked and didn’t look up at her, but stopped and took a breath. 

“Nothing. I’m fine,” Finn said, and it wasn’t exactly irritable, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant, either.

Someone else might have left Finn alone, assuming he was merely tired, but Rey’s expression changed into one of confusion and concern. The question Finn had answered was not the one she’d asked. 

“Finn?”

“I said I’m fine,” Finn snapped, and it wasn’t loud or explosive, but it held a chill that was never present in Rey’s interactions with him. She sensed that this was not something related to her at all, but something much greater than the present moment. There was fear in Finn, fear beyond anything that their current surroundings would cause.

Finn could somehow feel Rey’s presence reaching out to him, but that feeling was so strange and new and  _ forbidden _ . It would have gotten him reconditioned or worse if Phasma ever found out, and it was all too similar to the night on Tuanul when Kylo Ren had reached out to Finn’s mind- albeit with a much more malicious aura, but reached out all the same. 

Finn stabbed at his food a few times before his trembling hand dropped the fork altogether. “I-” he stopped, tried to catch his breath, and only ended up breathing more quickly. “I have to go.” He got out of his seat too quickly and knew he had to play it off. Finn made eye contact with Rey for a moment and tried to smile, but only managed a ghost of one. “See you later.” 

When he walked away, he hoped it wasn’t too quickly.

Rey turned her head around and stared directly at Poe a few tables away.

_ Turn. See me. Understand. _

The moment Poe turned around, eyebrows furrowed, Rey got up and ran to the mouth of the cave, following where she saw Finn leave. She didn’t know what was wrong, but she wasn’t about to let him be alone. Rey knew from experience: alone was one of the worst things a person could be.

Rey looked through the trees and vines of the jungle. Finn was here, she knew it. He hadn’t gone far, and it didn’t take Rey long to find him. She found him with one hand leaning against a tree for support. His body was rigid and trembling, his breaths panting.

“Finn?” Rey called, slowly approaching him.

“Rey,” Finn croaked, as if only a part of him was aware that she was there. Rey jogged over to him.

“Finn, what’s wrong?” she asked, trying to be gentle rather than letting her own fear and confusion take over.

“Fire,” Finn blurted. “Fire and blood and if I’m not fast enough they’ll take it away,” Finn’s voice was surprisingly level for how frantic the pace of his words was.

“Where is there fire? What will they take away?” Rey asked, wishing she could understand what had gripped her friend with fear. Reaching into his mind to find out was not a boundary Rey was willing to cross. She wasn’t one who needed to take whatever she wanted, even if she could get it.

Before she could continue her attempt to understand Finn, Rey heard footsteps in the foliage. She turned her head to see Poe, who had momentarily stopped in the clearing to take in the situation. The moment recognition crossed the pilot’s face, Rey took a step back.

Poe jogged over to his friend. He’d been a soldier for long enough to have seen this many times.

“Hey, hey, buddy, it’s okay,” Poe said, his voice warm and comforting as he stopped next to Finn.

Finn jerked his head to face Poe, eyes wild and unfocused. “Blood…and fire...and Slip,” Finn rambled, almost frustrated that he couldn’t articulate what he needed to get out. He locked eyes with Poe and said: “I had to leave him. Saving isn’t allowed.”

Suddenly, everything clicked in Poe’s mind. Blood and fire?

“I know. I know, buddy. But you’re not on Jakku anymore. You’re with the Resistance on Ajan Kloss,” Poe said gently yet firmly, his voice a calming murmur. “You’re with me, Poe, and Rey.”

The words were breaking through in Finn’s mind. He was not on Jakku. He was not with the First Order. He was with Poe and Rey. Yet he was still caught in a trap of fear and anxiety. Poe’s calming voice was like a life preserver keeping him above water in a roiling ocean.

“Can I touch you, Finn? Is that okay?” Poe asked, and Finn nodded. Poe slowly, gently folded Finn into a hug. Finn wrapped one arm around Poe’s neck as if he’d drown without him and held his other arm out towards Rey. She took hold of his hand, but Finn pulled her into the hug, needing her there to complete his concept of safety. 

The three of them stayed like that for a few moments, Poe and Rey hoping to calm their shaking friend with their embrace. Soon, Finn asked to sit down, and they slowly sank to the ground without breaking contact. Rey idly rubbed Finn’s arm as Poe continued to reassure him that he was safe. Soon, Finn’s breathing leveled and the tension left his body as he calmed down. Even then, the friends remained together, sitting with their backs up against the tree, Finn holding a hand of each of his friends.

“How you feeling, Finn?” Poe asked once he could tell Finn was grounded. Finn closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“Honestly, I’ve been better,” Finn said, and Poe rubbed his friend’s arm.

“Stupid question, huh?” Poe said, breaking through the tension of the moment. 

Finn smiled. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Is there anything we can do for you? Water, help going inside, anything?” Rey asked.

“Don’t leave me,” Finn answered, squeezing the hands he held. Poe smiled as he and Rey squeezed his hands right back.

“You can count on that, buddy. Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for a Star Wars movie...I might be getting involved in something that I don't want to get involved in sjsjsfkjsfd I should just stay in my tv show lane BUT I'm mad that Finn's trauma is largely ignored both in-canon and in-fandom (in favor of Ben and Poe...hmm wonder why...I'm not trying to say anything)
> 
> anyway we stan platonic trio content


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